Chocolate Hazelnut Spread

Every year I vow to beat the squirrels to my hazelnuts, which have spread and grown beautifully as a hedge flanking my persimmon tree. Every year I manage to fail somehow–this year was (mostly) no different: I saw they were mostly ready, and told myself with the nor’easter bearing down on us that the squirrels can’t possibly want to be out in such a storm.

I was wrong, and came home after work to shells on the ground everywhere–and the only reason there were still some left on the tree likely had to do with the sun setting, or the squirrels being too full to continue.

However, I still managed to get a small bag of them, and my plan to make a pitifully tiny jar of chocolate hazelnut spread was on.

Cracking hazelnuts is no fun, as they have remarkably hard shells that fling shards everywhere. A few of them of them were actually empty, and upon further inspection some small holes and frass indicated some sort of caterpillar had gotten to them first.

Ultimately I got about one cup of shelled hazelnuts which were gently roasted in my cast iron pan until fragrant, then added 1/8th cup of vegetable oil, 1/8th cup of milk, 1/4 cup sugar, a tablespoon of cocoa powder, a pinch of salt, and a teaspoon of vanilla extract blitzed in my blender until mostly smooth. Unfortunately I couldn’t get it super smooth, but as my kids exclaimed “Tastes like a kinder egg!” it was well worth the effort.

I’ll beat the squirrels next year. I know it.